August 02, 2003

Socks and Sandals

As the hottest summer in Vancouver in recent years drags on I've been noticing a disturbing trend lately: old men wearing socks and sandals.

It's reached the point where if I see an elderly white man wearing shorts I glance down at their feet just to confirm my suspicion. And sure enough, they're all wearing socks and sandals. I shudder and avert my eyes.

It seems so pointless. The reason for wearing sandals (for men anyway; I've never been able to fathom women's footwear) is to give the toes some fresh air in the hot weather; let them enjoy the breeze as a reward for being confined to dark smelly socks for three seasons of the year. The reason for wearing socks, on the other hand, is to prevent those same toes from freezing in the winter. So why combine the two; why on earth wear socks with sandals? Do you wear mittens in the summer? Or galoshes in the desert? No. So why socks and sandals?

I've figured out why it bothers me. Because, God willing, I will be in that demographic in another 20 or so years and I want to know will I be wearing socks and sandals? Will I some day wake up on a pleasant summer morning and put on a pair of socks and then slip my besocked feet into my sandals? And if so, will it happen all at once - will I gleefully put on my socks and sandals while humming the Beatles' "When I'm 64"? Or will it happen gradually? One day I'll tentatively reach for the socks, then shake my head and put my bare feet into the sandals; the next day, actually touch the socks; the third day pick them up and finger them for a few minutes before putting them back; and then finally, one awful day, hesitantly slip on the socks and the sandals and venture out into the world, a fashion statement on spindly legs.

I have to know: why do elderly white males wear socks with sandals?

  1. Is this a fashion thing? In other words, when the present cohort of elderly white males moves on to its well-earned rest, will the mania for socks and sandals go with it?

  2. Is it hardwired into the brain? Have our ancestors been putting socks and sandals together since we lived in East Africa, foraging for grubs and keeping a wary eye out for lions?

  3. Is it for reasons of comfort and health? Do circulatory problems associated with aging render our feet chilly, forcing us to wear socks with our sandals? (But in that case, why wear sandals at all? Why not socks and sneakers?)

A lot depends on the answer to this question. If it's a generational thing, then I don't have to worry. If it's a health/comfort issue, then again, I won't worry, because when my tootsies are chilly, I'll sensibly put on my sneakers with my socks.

But if it's hardwired into the brain, then there's nothing I can do about it, so please shoot me when you see me on the street wearing socks and sandals.

Posted by wetcoast at August 2, 2003 11:07 AM